Grandparents often play a very important role in a child’s life. Research consistently shows that a strong bond between grandmother and grandchild provides emotional support, strengthens family bonds, and contributes to children’s development. According to AARP, most grandparents believe they play an important role in their grandchildren’s lives, and research shows that that connection can last into adulthood. However, even loving grandparents can unintentionally create distance by using certain comments and phrases. Here are six phrases you may not realize are pushing your grandchildren.
1. “When I Kissed You, We Didn’t Do It That Way”
Many grandparents tell stories from their youth because they want to pass on wisdom and insight. However, repeatedly comparing today’s children to previous generations can make grandchildren feel judged rather than understood. Young people often interpret these comments as criticism of their interests, use of technology, or lifestyle. Although family stories are important, they work best when shared as experiences rather than comparisons. Replacing judgment with curiosity helps create conversations that strengthen the grandparent-grandchild relationship instead of creating defensiveness.
2. “You’re Always On That Phone”
Technology is often a source of tension between generations. While too much screen time can be a legitimate concern, constantly criticizing a grandchild’s device use may send the message that you don’t understand their world. Many friendships, school activities, and family communication now happen through phones and digital platforms. Technology can actually help maintain and strengthen family connections when used properly. Instead of criticizing the phone, consider asking what they are watching, playing, or reading online.
3. “Your Parents Are Too Inclined”
There are few phrases that cause family discord faster than criticizing a grandchild’s parents. Even if grandchildren occasionally complain about the rules of the house, many are uncomfortable when grandparents overtly impose parental authority. Grandparents should respect parents’ decisions and avoid disparaging parents in front of children. Doing so can put grandchildren in the middle of family conflicts they never asked to navigate. Supporting parents while providing a safe and loving relationship helps maintain trust throughout the family.
4. “Why don’t you call me?”
This expression usually comes from a place of hurt rather than anger. Unfortunately, grandchildren often feel like guilt or pressure instead of an invitation to connect. Today’s families are busy, and many grandchildren are balancing school, jobs, careers, and relationships competing for their attention. Relationships tend to thrive when communication feels welcome rather than forced. Saying “I’d like to hear from you more often” creates a great opening for communication.
5. “Don’t Tell Your Mom or Dad”
Many grandparents say this jokingly after giving extra cake or bending the house rule. However, promoting privacy can create confusion about trust and boundaries. Recent discussions among parenting experts emphasize that safe adults should never normalize keeping secrets from parents. Encouraging openness helps foster healthy family communication and prevents children from receiving mixed messages. Grandparents who want lasting trust should focus on transparency rather than secrecy.
6. “You Don’t Spend Time With This Family Anymore”
Families naturally change as grandchildren grow. Teenagers and young adults often spend less time at family gatherings than they did as children because their lives are becoming more independent. Relationship satisfaction with grandchildren often declines during the teenage years, although the bond itself may remain strong. Statements that sound like accusations can push grandchildren away because they feel criticized rather than accepted. The best way is to express happiness whenever they make a visit, creating a good experience that they want to repeat.
Words That Keep Family Bonds Strong
A strong relationship between grandparent and grandchild rarely depends on grand gestures or expensive gifts. Emotional support, encouragement, shared experiences, and consistent communication are more important than material things. Many grandchildren want to feel accepted, respected, and understood by the older generations in their family. Small changes in language can make a big difference in how welcome they feel when they spend time with you. By replacing criticism, guilt, and comparison with curiosity, encouragement, and support, you can create the kind of connection that lasts for generations.
Have you caught yourself using one of these phrases, or are there other comments you’ve seen about the grandparent-grandchild relationship? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
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